Processing...

Sometimes when a child hears too many multi-step directions you can see that child processing in their mind.  The poor child is running through everything they were just told and trying to make sense of it.  Kind of like a computer being told too many things at once...that dumb little hour glass becomes visual and you think "crud...this is going to take forever" It's a sweet surprise when it takes just a few seconds and a disappointment when after you use the bathroom, get a drink, eat your ice cream, text a friend and it's still "processing".

Sometime I feel like that child or computer.  "Processing...processing...processing" said in a monotone voice like a GPS...

I had a day like that today.  There was so much good stuff in it I just wish I could have Tivo'ed it so when I'm through processing one part I can slowly transition to the next and pause when I need to.  Alas, I got one shot at today.

I struggle with anxiety a bit.  Perhaps it's genetic, though my parents do not share in this struggle, or perhaps it is due to life experience.  Who knows, doesn't matter.  When someone says "The Bible says not to worry" I want to deck 'em.  Like it's that easy.  I try not to worry.  I pray about it.  But what hits me and stops me from praying sometimes is the fact that others in third world countries are dying at this moment.  Where is their comfort?  Don't they have every reason to be terrified of the future?

I don't in any way want to trivialize what others go through but a wise person opened my eyes to a different perspective.  This world is not all their is.  If it is...That would be cause to worry.  But there is something greater for us than just this world.  My worries are so centralized on the here and now.  My eyes are not seeing clearly.  I am so focused on worldly things.  When those worldly things disappear I find myself feeling lost.  I don't mean to fall into that trap.

One of my favorite songs to play on the guitar (okay...I don't play well...) is
Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
and the things of earth will grow strangely dim
in the light of His glory and grace.

Processing...processing...processing...

I'm not through processing.  These are just thoughts held together by memories of the day.

Tweaking the Goals...is that allowed?

I thought I would update the blogging world on my ambitious goals...
#1 Run a 5K
Well I'm slowly but surely trying to get there.  I am starting week 5 of my "Couch to 5K Plan" but I highly doubt I will be ready to run 3.2 miles in 3 weeks (Red Dress Run).  I did get my 15 minute mile down to a more respectable 13...but I still have a ways to go.  I need to stop hyperventilating when I run.
#2 Make my own cleaning supplies
Well...I bought cleaning supplies that are more natural and supposedly healthier does that count?  I think this idea was in the heat of the moment...this is about as far as I'm going to get for now.
#3 Make a new meal a week
How about make A meal a week...Our schedules don't exactly allow consistency.  We have dinner 2-3 times a week but one of those is our "pizza night".  I still want to get on this but it's hard to be motivated to use the oven when it's 100 outside.

Let's revise, shall we?


#1 Run a 5K 
We'll keep that one 

#2 _______I'll fill this one in later

#3 Make a new meal a MONTH
Ugh...fine.


Wes and I decided we want to try to go through the Bible in year.  It's tough to be consistent when our schedules don't coincide like we want them to but so far it's been going well...so perhaps that can replace number 2.  I'm finding that with the plan laid out of what to read it's not overwhelming and I really look forward to doing it.  It's even better when your best-friend encourages you as well.  We've found we have new things to talk about because of our reading.  So cool.  I want our kids to grow up in a home that knows being in the Word is important...more than important....necessary...a MUST.  My mom gets up early every morning and dives into the Word.  She has since before I can remember.  How then did I see that example and only now try to do the same?  How then can I expect my kids to get it if I don't make an effort to practice that discipline?  Hopefully we can get this down and routine before little ones are not just a figment of our imagination.

Anyway...perhaps these goals won't change a month from now.

New and I like it.

There have been so many new "happenings" around here lately; I feel like I'm living a different life.

We moved into a cute place in Barrington.  We have definitely had to simplify our life a bit.  We gave a lot of our furniture to family who can use it at this point more than we could, we sold a good portion of our books (thank you HalfPrice books for the $87), and I boxed up about 1/3 of what was in our kitchen to sell at a garage sale in July.  Simple is good.  It continues to remind me how nothing is really mine anyway.

Pulling two jobs a day is no more!  I will miss my previous place of employment but I am excited about this new chapter.  I am greatly looking forward to pursuing photographer even further because of my less rigid schedule.  Here are some fun pictures from the session with my brother and his family two weeks ago.

 He is sooo my brother's child.

I have 3 goals now that life looks a lot different than it did a few months ago.  I hope to keep an update here on how I'm doing.  Accountability is a good thing.

#1 Run a 5K

There is a 5K in August that I hope to run in.  I began the "Couch to 5K" plan last week and am already on Week 2...7 weeks to go!  Let's see if I can bring my 14 minute mile down to a less embarrassing 10.

#2 Make my own cleaning supplies

I don't feel quite educated enough to do this yet, but I have made a huge effort to buy supplies that are a lot safer.

#3 Make a new meal a week

Heh...we'll see how long this one stays on the list.  It's not that I hate cooking.  I don't.  There is just this small part of me that wants to rebel against the statement that "a woman's place is in the kitchen".  If someone were to ask me to bake brownies I would probably subconsciously do it wrong just so I'd never be asked again.  There are a few things I make well.  Mostly...mac n cheese.  No, but really, I can cook.  I just don't want anyone to EXPECT me to...because I'm a woman, a future Pastor's wife, etc.  But I suppose now that I work until 2pm everyday instead of 7pm I should take the lead on meals.  I suppose that's fair.

I'll let you know if I can control my subconscious and make something edible.

Red light! Green light!

Red light, green light!

I always hated the end of red light, green light when everyone got too close and no matter how short I made the "green light" I would be tagged.  I remember yelling frantically, "Red light!  Red light!  Red light!" in the hopes that I would be the one calling the shots for just a little longer, but then...
Whack, some kid smacks me yelling "Gotcha!"

I feel like mentally I've been yelling "red light! red light! red light!" these past two weeks.

Wes has graduated!  After his internship this summer he is completely done!

We're moving!  Good-bye noisy neighbors, obnoxious car alarms, loud hardwood floors, children who roam the streets at 10 at night, and solicitors who won't sell me tamales!

Downsizing is never fun.  I thought when we moved in two years ago we'd just continue to increase our stuff, our square footage yada yada yada.  It just painfully reminds me that none of this is ours anyway.  

We'll be renting a carriage house in Barrington.  Very exciting.  We begin the move June 1!  

Yikes!  We still have so much to do.

What do you get when you combine a seminary student and an English major?  Sixteen boxes of books.

A New Season

First wedding since last fall.  It was so good to be back.  I love studying people.  Wedding photography is a study in psychology perhaps with a little anthropology in there too.  I am a stranger who is invited in like a long lost friend.  I study the bride and the groom...but mostly the bride.  I watch as they relate to their family and friends and try to bring smiles and a sense of calm as a carefully planned day sometimes doesn't go as planned.  I love what I do.

It's been a busy 2012 thus far...can't wait for more.

Now I get to do it more often.
I will be working as an Administrative Assistant in the church we attend.  This job comes with a more flexible schedule.  I am extremely excited.  I get to put my experience in a school to good use but also enjoy not always having to be "on".  All this being said, I will be able to do photography a little more intentionally.

A wonderful four years as an Assistant Teacher is soon to be just memories and a blurb on a resume.  A new adventure is on the horizon.  As I sit here listening to my Zac Brown Band station on Pandora I am reminded how there are seasons of life...chapters.  I am sad to see a chapter of familiarity closing....but I am ecstatic to venture into new territory, take a deep breath, and see what God has in store for His daughter.

"Future"

Welp...our journey is beginning and I don't think I buckled my seat belt fast enough.

For 5 years I knew this would eventually happen but as I'm coming closer and closer to that door that says "Future" in bold letters I am finding myself wanting to turn around and run away.

There is that part of me that KNOWS God's plans are so amazing as He has proven that time and time again.  But for anyone who has been in this position, it's the not knowing that can be so exhilarating and so terrifying at the same time.

what happened to my common sense?

When I got married I think I lost all common sense.

There are too many stories to tell but the most recent was putting the plastic milk cap on our hot electric stove.  Oops.

There is a country song about a wife driving the car into the garage door...that's totally me.  I haven't done it yet but mostly because we don't have a garage.

the day I lost all common sense

(Photo taken by Michael Carr)

Ah well, I suppose without me he wouldn't have a social life...that makes it even, right?  He stops me from burning our home to the ground and I make sure we see friends.

Peaches and Biscuits...drooling.

Dinner is a little unconventional tonight.  As much as I don't love to cook...this recipe is worth making a mess in the kitchen.  Wes is working and I am tired of boring one-person dinners.

It's so delicious.  My stomach is ACHING right now waiting for the timer to go off.

Necessities:
A large skillet
1 large can of peaches (or 2 smaller ones)
1 cup of Sugar
1 tsp of cinnamon
1 can of large biscuits (the flakier the better)

Drain 1/2 of the peach juice into a small bowl or medium sized measuring cup.  Add 3/4 cup of sugar.
Discard the rest of the peach juice.
Empty peaches into a large skillet.
Pour juice/sugar mixture on top.
Bring to a boil
Place biscuits on top of peaches and mixture
Combine 1/4 cup of sugar and 1 tsp of cinnamon
Sprinkle mixture on top of biscuits.
Cover and set to low for 20-22 minutes.

Thank you Princess House for making my dinner so delightful.

TWC...the ultimate cookie cutter perception.

I am part of a club I never thought I would belong to.
In fact, I distinctly remember telling my mom about 7 years ago that I would "never" do it.
She laughed and wisely told me "never say 'never'".

I am part of the Trinity Wives Club.  Well...this is a semi-fictitious club....semi.  (The real group actually has a different name and I in no way want to put this group of hard-working women down.  I'm just poking fun at the stereotypes that I am sure they roll their eyes at themselves.)

I am part of it whether I like it or not.
Late night paper writing, pinching pennies, planning social gatherings around big projects and finals, and not being able to plan a concrete future because who knows what will happen after graduation.  But the "cookie cutter" part of this TWC is something I do not fit into.  Don't ever ask me to bake...seriously, like, I get offended if you ask me to bake...(are you asking me because I'm a woman?!).  I hate doing dishes.  I really don't find cooking much fun.  When we invite people over it's Wes who does the cooking.  You'll never catch me with piano books and a long skirt (this joke is only funny if you went to TIU).  I do not have ambitions to lead a children's choir.  And if someone says something negative about my husband...let's just say they'll be on my "list".

I'm aware of my positive qualities that will aid Wes in his/our future ministry together but I just chuckle to myself about all the stereotypes I don't fit into.  I'm okay with that.  Obviously God is too.

 But in all seriousness, don't ever ask me to bake.

No such thing as Normal

I am just now starting to understand that there is no such thing as "normal".

I like order and stability.  I like knowing what is on my calendar weeks ahead of time and I am easily startled and put out by surprises or changes in the schedule.  I understand this could be signs of OCD...but I assure you I am not that extreme.

It is because of this slight obsession with order and schedules that I have come to the conclusion Wes and I are destined to never have a "normal" for more than a few months at a time.

Wes recently attained a part-time job (non-ministry related) while he's still in school.

I am taking care of my recent set-backs by going to various appointments a few times a week.

Our new normal is twice as busy as our old normal.  I don't like this new normal.  In fact, on day one of week one I burst into tears in the car.  I don't like change.  But then again, four months from now this will not be normal either.

Ah well, I'm sure I'll get used to it, thrive on it, then complain when an even newer normal enters the picture.

But how are you supposed to plan/be prepared for the future when normalcy is not a consistency??!

Little Setbacks

Way to start 2012 off with a bang...or more accurately a PAIN.
Last week I had excruciating pain in my jaw (still quite painful at the moment) and made my way to the dentist.   I am not one to delay a doctor's visit if needed.   It's very scary to wake up and not be able to open your mouth more than a finger's width.  He informed me I have to get a wisdom tooth pulled and I have TMJ/TMD...TMJ/TMD=ugh.  (For any of you who are about to google TMJ/TMD here you go: TMJ-Temporomandibular Joint Disorders cause tenderness and pain in the temporomandibular joint (TMJ) — the joint on each side of your head in front of your ears, where your lower jawbone meets your skull. This joint allows you to talk, chew and yawn.  TMJ disorders can be caused by many different types of problems — including arthritis, jaw injury, or muscle fatigue from clenching or grinding your teeth.)
Apparently there is too much stress in my life because mine is caused from grinding my teeth.  Oh puhleeeze, compared to every member of my immediate family right now, I have nothing to stress about.
But I guess trying to get life in order is stressful by itself.
Wisdom tooth comes out Friday.  Hopefully the pain will stop with a little P.T beginning next week.  Eating just soup is getting rather old.
This is just a little setback.  It changes a few plans we have but it also forces me to take a step back and rethink what I want to fill my days with, how busy I want to be and at what point is it just not worth it.
Foods that do not taste as good when sucked instead of chewed:
M&Ms
Cheese-its
Biscuits
Macaroni and Cheese

No resolutions, just goals.

Bring it 2012!

We're not ones to make resolutions, however, I enjoy setting goals...therefore we set goals instead.  Goals like: Wes finds a job in the fall, booking at least 4 weddings for the summer, which goes hand-in-hand with the student loans we want to get rid of, etc.  I play that game with myself, what will life look like in a year, Jan 2013...sometimes I think I do that because I just love being surprised when what happens is better than what I predict.
Boy am I excited for this year.  I'm sure it will come with pains and difficulties, one in particular as we continue to pray for a sick family member.
But there will be joy too.

Does anyone make resolutions?  If so, what are they?  Have you ever followed your resolutions through to the end?