Josiah's Journal Entry #2

a haiku

i do what I want

i scoff at mommy's schedule

you can't make me sleep

Observations since daddy's departure:

Mommy drinks a whole pot of coffee now.

Stop.Taking.Pictures.

She may try to tell me when to eat and when to sleep, but here...here on my throne of toys, where I can stand, where I am easily 2 feet tall without her help, I am king.

Speaking of sleep, I figured out a new game.  It's hil-a-rious.  Mom puts me down and as soon as I see the light disappear from the closing door, I roll over.  I wave to mom in the camera...as much as my undeveloped motor skills allow and whine a little to see how long until she comes to get me.  Today this went on for close to 30 minutes.  But what started out as a game quickly got out of control.  Suddenly I couldn't STOP rolling over. It's like my body just wouldn't listen.  I tried to tell it, Stop, I'm tired, knock it off, I want to sleep, but it's like it had a mind of its own.  That was rough.  

But other than that, uh...I like my feet.  Feet are the best.

my daddy comes home Friday

we miss him dearly

the coffee is gone

"Of Motherhood and Me"

4 Months Old

I thought babies meant constant crying, vomit, and poop.

There are days...there are certainly days...

I thought it meant no personal time-ever.  No time to read a book, talk to a friend on the phone, or chat with my husband.

There are weeks that leave me stranded on the island of "Everything goes out the window because baby needs you", but it's because Wes and I are the only two people in the entire world who have been entrusted with Josiah and he NEEDS us with everything in him RIGHT NOW.

Those first few weeks I thought "I can't do this.  I don't sleep, I can barely function, I haven't eaten more than one meal a day in 3 days".  But thanks to the help of my amazing husband, great friends, and fabulous family, that went away...or at least wasn't so heightened.  

Precious lessons I've learned in 4 months 

"Of Motherhood and Me..."

Disclaimer - These lessons pertain to our family.  Every family is different.  Every baby is different.

A schedule saved my life.  

I was told early on that even thinking of going on a schedule before 4 or 5 months was useless.  After a very difficult day one month in, I mean tears from morning to night (and he was unhappy too) I decided that we were going to go for it.  Three days later it was like magic.  I like structure and apparently my baby does too.  I've actually finished books!  Wes and I have had conversations!  And I've had hour-long conversations on the phone!

Structure is my friend.

After seeing a really cool MOPS project from a friend, I decided to make one of my own.  It has helped to ease the 4 o'clock stress of "what am I making for dinner??" as J is crying because he's hungry, the dishes haven't been done, and my phone is ringing.

It is not failure to say "It's hard".

I was a bit of a wreck those first few weeks.  I am thankful for friends who could see through the unintentional facade and stopped over in between services on Sundays or made a Target run for me knowing what I needed without even asking.  Medicinal help to even out the emotions and hormones was what helped bring me back to Earth.  This is the biggest transition we'll ever go through.  I take advil for a headache...I don't always just suffer through when I need nyquil, so yes, I'm going to treat the imbalance that giving birth has done to my body.

I ask for advice, but don't compare.

I am constantly asking friends what they did when "fill in the blank".  That is the GREAT thing about having community.  We tried what this person did, didn't work.  We tried what this person did, didn't work either.  Ah, yes, what this friend did worked for us too.  It's wonderful to hear "it'll happen to you too, he WILL sleep 12 hours eventually".  What a wonderful thing to be encouraged.  I am so thankful for community.

I would never make it if it weren't for the Lord and his blessing of an incredibly husband.

Enough said.

Fourth of July shenanigans and little voices in my head.

Fourth of July fun!

We're excited for next year when Josiah can go get the candy...we're taking a 25% cut.  

Our little space was surrounded by news vans covering the Arlington Heights parade.  We got interviewed by Craig Dellimore from WBBM radio.  That was kind of fun.  Except Wes thought I lied to Craig Dellimore about having sunscreen.  Pssh.  We had sunscreen.

A nice family was next to us.  I joked with the mom about parents taking a cut of the candy.  This started a conversation about all of the food dyes in candy.  To be quite honest, I don't care that much because I would drive myself crazy with what is considered healthy today and how we're all going to get cancer and die if I feed my kids something that was kept in plastic #5.  I want to be aware and using good judgement, but not crazy.  Anyway, what was interesting to me was that she was justifying her kids getting candy from the parade by saying they would be making crafts with them instead.  She didn't need to justify.  Candy is awesome.  I wouldn't have judged her if she told me her kids were going to have it for dinner.  Then I started to think about all of the things I try to justify to people, who quite frankly, probably don't even care.  Why do I do that?  Because I'm too concerned with what people think.

Josiah is cranky... 

what I say -"he skipped a nap today, sorry!" 

what I think people think "what a bad cranky baby, remind me never to go over to the Johnson's."

I didn't return a voicemail within 48 hours... 

what I say-"New baby, crazy-busy life, so sorry!" 

what I think people think "she is so self-absorbed with the baby that she can't even return a phone call?"

We're late arriving somewhere...

what I say - "He needed to be change just as we were leaving, sorry!" 

what I think people think "another new family that won't ever be on time for anything again."

Wearing a new shirt that someone comments on...

what I say - "I didn't buy it, it was a gift" (most likely from my thoughtful and generous mom).

what I think people think "I thought they were on a budget, why does she go out shopping?"

Ugh.  One of the bigger struggles in my life.